Have you ever heard of the phrase “nice guys finish last”? This phrase suggests that being a nice guy can actually be detrimental to your success, especially when it comes to dating. In fact, the term “nice guy” is often associated with having relationship problems with girls. According to experts, these types of men do everything in their heads, these actions are called covert contracts for affection. What’s shocking is that their partners are not even aware of these phenomena happening in their minds.
The problem with being a nice guy is that you often begin to live up to the expectations of others. You do it to the point where you get lost in your own head and you lose your identity. You begin to believe that becoming what everyone wants you to be is the only way to be accepted in society or by girls. You become more like their puppet. People like these develop the nice guy syndrome. They believe that the only way to make others happy is always to be the guy who never let anyone become angry with them. As a result, they tend to conceal their other side of Personality, and they always result in Failure.
Why Nice Guys Finish Last
If you look around, there is an epidemic of single nice guys flooding across the planet. They always end up in the girl’s friend zone, no matter how hard they try. And when they see a girl not picking up the call for another dinner out, they start blaming themselves for being the low-level guy who can’t attract women. In the worst scenarios, some blame girls for not giving back the green signal.
Now let’s understand what makes you the nice guy. Women, in general, are submissive. You often see a guy in the movies in his full masculine frame, and a girl trying anything to get his attention. Now what happens with a man when his upbringing occurs in the absence of a strong Father Figure male role? He doesn’t get the privilege of learning how to be a masculine man and not a wimpy boy who would spend the rest of his life pleasing others.
When a guy grows up without proper guidance from his father, who would educate him on everything, he develops the nice guy syndrome. Over time, he starts to lose the masculine traits that make him strong, assertive, confident, and stoic. What’s the problem with this guy is that he grows up in the company of females, never knowing what it would be like to have someone who can tell you to say no when necessary, who can tell you not to be a people pleaser. Without the presence of male role models, he tends to spend his life connecting more with women than men. Growing up in a woman’s shadow is not bad, but the lack of masculine force around the guy turns him into a nice guy.
Traits of a Nice Guy Syndrome
This creates a chasm in the energy balance. When you tend to be the masculine guy, you adapt feminine traits and absorb feminine energy, leading to a validation-seeking cycle rather than self-validation. This is how you become a nice guy. Now, the story doesn’t just end here. With their traits turning into more feminine ones, they start to exhibit different behaviors that lead to many social and personal issues. And when combined, they all turn into a nice guy syndrome.
- Cannot say no to people even if they are uncomfortable with other people’s choices.
- People don’t take them seriously no matter what they say or do. They always take them for granted.
- Their existence becomes so weak that people don’t even notice it.
- They are always kind to people, especially girls, even when disrespected. They never retaliate and repay them with kindness.
- They get obsessed with their low-level personalities just because they are nice to girls.
- They are always left out, resulting in low self-esteem and a lot of other insecurities.
- They blame others for their flaws when they are turned down by others.
- They create such fantasies in their minds and blame them for not seeing them as worthy of their attention.
How to Stop Being a Nice Guy
If you’re tired of being a nice guy and want to attract women, here are some steps you can take:
- Stop Expectations: If you really want to become the type of person who doesn’t blame people anymore, you need to let go of this mentality. Stop being a person who buys a girl drink and then expects her number in return. When you stop being needy, girls will also behave positively toward you. And there is human psychology: when you act confidently, chances are great that you will attract girls.
- Be Assertive: Being assertive means speaking up for yourself and your needs confidently. If you are being assertive, you can express your opinions with confidence and stand up for yourself when needed. It’s important to remember that being assertive doesn’t mean being aggressive. Instead, it’s about being clear and concise with your communication.
- Stop Seeking Validation: Nice guys often seek validation from others, whether it’s through compliments, attention, or approval. If you want to get out of that zone, you need to stop seeking validation from others. Learn how to validate yourself and your worth. Work on your self-esteem. A lot of nice guys, while trying to get attention, do things that hit their self-esteem. Set personal boundaries, focus on your life, practice self-compassion, and build self-confidence to boost your self-esteem.
- Start Saying No: Part of overcoming this type of syndrome is to start saying no because your kindness should come with limits. Nice guys often feel guilty when they say no to people, but understand that you can still be the good guy by saying no in situations where you need it the most.
Conclusion
In conclusion, being a nice guy can be a problem when it becomes a cover for insecurities and a lack of identity. Nice guys tend to put the needs of others before their own, which can lead to them being taken for granted or not taken seriously. However, with some simple steps, you can overcome the nice guy syndrome and start being the confident, assertive, and self-assured person you want to be. Remember, it’s not about being mean or aggressive, but about setting boundaries, valuing yourself, and standing up for yourself when needed. With these changes, you can attract the women you want and become the man you want to be.
